What We Can Learn from the 2013 Boston Red Sox

There are some great stories and lessons coming out of the recent Red Sox win of the World Series.  Full disclosure - I’m a long time Red Sox fan which is why I’m listening and reading about the team.  But I’m also someone who teaches success strategies and there are plenty here for all of us.

 I heard a former player say today that when they come up to the plate to bat, they’re to put all the other times they failed that day behind them.  It’s a new opportunity and that one at bat might be the one that wins the game.  That happened throughout the playoff series with a variety of players who had not at any hits at all.  If they had given up, if they had thought of themselves as failures, they would not have gotten the hits they got that ultimately won that game.  Goes back to my ‘pearl’ theory – that we’re only given this moment and we should treat it like the pearl it is.  It doesn’t matter what you did yesterday, last week, last year – as long as the things you didn’t do well taught you something.  Move on – who knows what incredibly experience is right ahead.

We often think we have to be perfect in everything.  A good batter is over .300 which means they hit 3 out of every 10 times they’re at the plate.  Yet we’re so hard on ourselves when we make a mistake or mess something up.  Of course if you only pick your kids up 3 out of 10 times, that’s a problem but you understand the story.

I find this to be true when I’m going through a down time.  It seems like it will never end.  Then it does - because that’s how life evolves - some of my best times follow.  That was definitely true for the Red Sox who had a pitiful year last year.  But as they say now – from worst to first!  You don’t have to be a ball player to experience that.

The other point today was about team.  That former player was asked what he’d remember about the 2013 Red Sox years later.  They weren’t a bunch of big stars like the 2004 Red Sox – they were a true team that cared about the game (their job), their own place in it and each other.  When some were down, the others stepped up.  And they never quit – on themselves, with each other, with the city of Boston who needed the lift, and with the rest of their fans.  Some great lessons indeed.

Is your life like a beautiful strandof pearls?

The other day I was trying to explain the concept of creating moments to my mom (who patiently listens to me test out new ways of teaching the strategies I learn and teach to others).  If you want a happy life, create lots of happy moments because all we have is this moment and it's up to us what to do with it.

I wanted to create a visual to go with the idea for my next seminar. Here's what popped into my head:

Each moment is like a pearl, precious and unique. For the most part, we get to create that pearl by how we decide to process what's happening around us.  Even if what's going on is annoying or hurtful, we get to choose how we're going to take it in.  Remember even a pearl is formed in an oyster by covering up an irritation. Beauty from pain, how great is that?

We get to create moment after moment of wonderful 'pearls' and we get to string them together to make our life.  What does your strand look like? Is it so full of beautiful moments that you have to wrap the string of pearls around a couple of times to wear it? Beautiful to wear, beautiful to give as a gift?

Or are you creating overly dramatic moments, full of complaining, blaming, justifying, negativity and stress?  That unhealthy set of pearls will literally choke the joy right out of you - a choker if you will.

What kind of pearls do you choose?  I know which ones I want. I originally wrote this sitting by the Cape Cod Canal in the fog (it was supposed to be a sunny day!) with a twisted knee and a close to dead cell phone.  But it was my moment so I chose to be happy, healthy and positive because it's my life, my pearl.  

Good news is it works - for me, for the thousands of teens who have been through the Stragegies for Success program, and for the many others who choose to embrace this way of thinking.  It can work for you too!

Keep shining!
Marianne

PS...Having trouble staying in the positive, keeping the stress at bay?  I'll be sharing the strategies I use myself including some of the newest I just learned at my next seminar coming up in October.  Stay tuned!

A Front Seat to History

I love the Cape, especially in good weather.  Love it so much that once a week, I drive out to the canal to work - to write, to study, to edit.  That's one of the benefits of being self-employed working from home along with no alarm clocks, work in jammies days, no boss.  But there are downsides including the fact that it's isolating.  Hence the weekly trip to the Cape Cod Canal.

Two weeks ago I got there extra early so I could get my favorite spot.  I was shocked to find that about 1000 people had beaten me there.  Not only was my favorite spot gone but so were all the other places to park. Was it a holiday?  Work stoppage?  Did the forces of synchronicity conspire to have everyone travel to the same place?  

No.  It was a special occasion, a chance to witness history.  The Mayflower which had been refitted and spruced up was scheduled to pass through the canal that very morning at 9 am.  I found myself with my feet dangling over the canal just a few yards (meters for the rest of the world - why are we the only ones who haven't gone metric??) away from history.

Now I can't claim to be a history buff being more involved in the arts and science but I do love when unexpected surprises present themselves. I wonder if this qualifies as a 'miracle' as Dr. Deepak Chopra and Oprah Winfrey's first day of their meditation suggests, "Be on the lookout for miracles." Guess it depends on your definition of miracles.  I choose to see it as yes...  I mean it's the Mayflower, really!

I do believe that lots of wonderful things are happening all around us - if we take the time to notice.  I remember Oprah saying on one of her Favorite Things shows, "It's not about winning all the great prizes but about realizing that great surprises can be right around the corner." We'll see them if we're open to them. If we're focused mostly on the BJC's (blaming, justifying, complaining), that's all we see everywhere we look.

What do you focus on? Everything that's wrong with your job, your family, significant other?  Or everything you like about them?  You get to choose if you pay attention rather than running around on automatic pilot.  Notice the good, find the surprises, witness the 'miracles'.  Seek and ye shall find! Indeed!

As for me, I got to see history parade right by me!  Wonder what great surprise awaits me next?

Pays to be prepared!

If you read my blog regularly, you know that I’m all about having a positive outlook when possible and a strategy for handling life’s challenges. Or at least being open to new strategies – from friends, family, great authors and speakers.  You get the idea. 

Even with a strategy at the ready, sometimes we just have to let go.  Despite all the planning, practicing, nagging, hoping, wishing…things happen.  It’s the unpredictability of life.  Doesn’t matter your gender, your race, your social standing, what country you come from.  Life steps in to remind you that life happens just as it did for me the other day.  Here’s what happened.

I’ve been playing the Fairy Godmother the past several years with Rhode Island’s own Kaleidoscope Theatre.  Two weeks ago we had 4 performances at the Kelsey Theatre in New Jersey for school kids on Friday and for families on Saturday.  During the second show on Friday as I waited for Cinderella to return to the stage resplendent in the gown for the ball my magic had created, I got caught on my own gown or my shoe, something.  I felt myself starting to fall backwards.  Thinking I would fall on the box that was behind me, I let myself settle down on it.  But it wasn’t where I thought it was, so I let myself fall, unfortunately taking the table down with me.

The key words here are ‘let myself fall’.  I didn’t try to stop it because to do so would probably have caused more of a spectacle and perhaps an injury.  Trying to control it would have been the wrong thing to do.  It was gravity and I was going down.   So in front of hundreds of children and their teachers, the Fairy Godmother hit the deck.

No time to assess the situation.  Need to come up with an appropriate comment and move on.  You’ve heard the expression, “The show must go on!”  And so it must especially with an audience of impressionable kids.  They needed to see that the Fairy Godmother was ok.  So I picked myself up as I said something like, “I’m so excited for you going to the ball in your beautiful new gown that it knocked me off my feet!”  Then I crossed over to Cinderella, introduced her to her flower girl and coachman, and reminded her to be home by midnight!  Oh yes, we sang too! I had to keep going.  If I hadn’t sent her to the ball with the admonition about what would happen at midnight, the rest of the show wouldn’t have made sense.  The story as we know it would have been over!

So besides a chuckle at my grace on stage, what can we learn from this?

• when possible, pick yourself up and keep going       
• We can’t let the little things in life take us out (or in my case, down)
• No matter how much you prepare, life will hand you surprises

The sooner we realize stuff happens, the better so we can move on.  It happens to all of us – even those in the limelight.  Think President Gerald Ford if you’re old enough or President George W Bush who was photographed trying to exit from a banquet in China through a locked door.  Or Jennifer Lawrence tripping up the stairs on the way to her Oscar.  Life happens.

It’s best if we can keep a cool head and a positive attitude whenever possible.  Stress does nothing but hurt us emotionally and physically as more and more research is proving.  Oh yeah, and be prepared.   We at Kaleidoscope call it, “It’s been to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it!” strategy.  Words I actually get to say onstage this summer in Cinderella’s Wedding.  My strategy that day?  AWB – Always Wear Bloomers!  

Don't trust technology!

Technology is an integral part of our lives.  We depend on a working internet, cell towers that function, the latest gadget.  They’re all so amazing when they work.  And incredibly frustrating and stressful when they don’t.

Are you prepared for them to fail at the worst time possible?  You’d better be.  Because it’s going to happen.  You can pretty much be sure of that!

I’m all about strategies; it’s what I’m known for.  Stress strategies, success strategies, you name it.  Now I’ve added technology strategies to my repertoire because I’ve had to.  You should too.  Let me share a few quick stories to tell you why.

Last September I was leaving for a trip to Florida for some training.  I was going to be picked up by my sister-in-law.  All good - until the morning of the trip when my iPhone decided to take a journey to la-la land.  First, all my contacts were gone.  All of them including my sister-in-law’s phone number which I never memorized because it was ON MY PHONE!  Then the phone began cutting out during calls and texts.  What???  How could I travel without a phone?  How would she know where to meet me, when I would arrive?  My flight was less than 3 hours away.  What was I going to do?

I went to Verizon and asked for help.  I was told I would be about 8^th in line, about a 40 minute wait.  I told them I had a flight to catch and they said I was 8^th in line and had to wait about 40 minutes.  Luckily I teach stress-busting strategies or I would have been in real trouble.  The wait turned out to be 20 minutes.  They couldn’t fix the phone.  They did notice that nobody had contacts on their phone because of a mix-up on the upgrade that just happened.  They actually were there but not under contacts (just what we all need…a mystery search!) They were going to have to ship my phone out and send me a new one in about 5 days.  What??? 

I’m actually really lucky.  For some unknown reason, I took along my old Droid phone.  They reactivated that and thankfully I made my flight.  The new phone arrived but it had a problem.  It wouldn’t connect to iTunes which meant it couldn’t pick up the music.  Off we go again.  The third one also had some issues so that went back.  A month later, I was back with a working phone.  A month!

Strategy #1?  Back up, back up, back up.  Use sites like Carbonite, a service that is continually backing up your computer.  Back up to non-technology.  I copied down all my phone numbers, all the dates on the calendar.  I try to do that once a week.  Because you can’t trust technology. 

I travel for business and have run into a new problem.  Hotels are finding they can’t handle all the technology people bring along with them now.  I’ve been in 5 separate places this year that had intermittent internet.  One place told me that although they only had 27 units, they sometimes had over 200 devices using the internet at one time.  I had a laptop, iPhone and IPad.  I see what they’re saying.  Technology is growing faster than the infrastructure to support it.  If I wanted to use the internet at one place, I had to do so before 7 am or after 11 pm

Strategy #2:  Expect and prepare for the worst.  Call ahead and see if the place you’re staying at has a cord to plug the laptop in.  Oh yeah, bring a laptop if you really need the internet.  IPads and other tablets are the last to get the signal for some reason.  If you need a file in your travels, better have a hard copy or back up thumb drive just in case.  To quote the favorite line from my friend David at Kaleidoscope Theatre, “It’s better to have it and not need it, than need it and not have it.” 

Think of how technology was affected on that horrible day in Boston or what’s going on right now in Moore, OK.  Technology can’t handle all the calls on days like those.  We have to be prepared for the what ifs.  Texting, Facebook and Twitter are sometimes the best way to communicate when phone lines are down.  It’s how I found out my nephew, his wife and their baby were safe after just leaving the Boston marathon. 

Strategy #3:  Have a plan to communicate with loved ones should the usual technology fail.  Make sure everyone knows the plan.  Have a backup for that plan.

That goes for non-technology issues as well.  Be prepared for bad storms, possible fires.  Don’t wait til the last minute.  Have the water, the non-perishable food, the batteries, maybe even the generator.  Keep important papers safe.  

I love my technology but I’m prepared for it to leave me whenever it feels like it.  I don’t live in fear of it because I live by the motto “prepare for the worst but expect the best”.  And that’s a less stressful way to live.  You can do if you plan for it.

Got to go… starting to thunder…and I need to unplug this laptop!  Be safe out there!

Candy Crush Saga Life Lessons

If you have a smart phone, tablet or Facebook, you’ve probably played the game Candy Crush Saga. I fell prey to it about a month ago (thanks a lot Val!) using it to relax at the end of a long work day.  It’s fun, it’s relatively easy (or it was), it’s often frustrating and it has hidden rewards when you least expect it.  That’s if you play it mindlessly.  Once you begin to understand the game, everything changes.

As I was playing the game the other day, it reminded me that life is the same way.   It’s fun at times, often frustrating and has hidden rewards when you least expect it.  Once you understand the game of life, the strategies that help you design your life the way you want it, everything changes. 

In Candy Crush, random awards show up, candies that have varied powers to help you win the game.  In the beginning, I didn’t know where they came from or if I had any power to make them appear.  Then I watched.  Four in a row = striped candy.  T-shape = wrapped candy.  Five in a row – mega candy with all sorts of power. 

Once you learn how to create them, you get a big more control over the game.  You get to play with bumping the special candies into each other to really increase your abilities to win.  Great to know these strategies especially when time is running out. 

So many lessons for our lives in the random candies falling in a game.  Here’s what I came up with:

1. Just like the candy falling, events good or pad, people happy or otherwise, fall into our lives right from the start.  We can’t control what or who shows up.  We just have to keep playing the game of life.  What we can control is how we react to them.  We can get frustrated and give up, or figure things out and keep playing.
   
2. As we start to play (grow), we learn.  Three of a kind forms a row and it drops out. If we want to win the game, we must be looking to eliminate those things that stand in the way of success, whatever that means to us.
   
3. Jelly = stuck!  For many levels of the game, the goal is to remove the jelly.  In life, we need to come up strategies to help us get unstuck too.  We just need to gather the ones that work for us.
   
4. As we go through levels (grow up), life gets tougher. The good news is we get smarter – if we practice.  If we keep noticing what works, if we learn.  Learning is the key.  It always has been.  If we stay mindless we can still play the game and occasionally win but we don’t get as far as we could and it can be a very stressful journey.
   
5. Those special rewards can be repeated over and over once we figure out how to make them happen.  Some give you great power in the game just as in life. They’re like great strategies. You come into life without knowing the best ones for dealing with stress, relationships, health and money.  You can stumble on great ones every now and then and feel lucky. Or you can learn them from books, TV shows, from someone who’s figured them out and use them in your own life so that you take charge of how to make your life easier and more successful.
   
6. You can ask for help.  After you’re played a certain amount of time, the game has been designed to stop you.  Now their goal is to have you so hooked, you’ll pay to go to the next level.  Or you can ask a friend, usually on Facebook.  I love that.  I’ve never paid.  I can wait til it lets me play again.  I choose to be patient.  In fact, I’m grateful that it stops me so I don’t spend too long playing games no matter how much fun or additive they are.  I have a business to run and while I can justify a few minutes distraction, I certainly can’t let it use up too much time
   I haven’t asked a Facebook friend for help yet but I like knowing I could.  People would help me – at first.  As long as I helped them when they needed it and didn’t constantly pester them with requests.  Same as life.  Help a friend when you can but don’t take advantage of that friendship.
   
7. Don’t forget the goal.  In the game you’re looking for 3 of a kind, for special candies but if you forget the goal of the game, you lose.  And you lose quickly.  Whether it’s to remove all the jelly the candies are stuck in or to bring all the fruit home, you’ve got to keep your eye on the finish line.
   You can play the game of life with no goal but you won’t get where you want to go.  You’ll be blown about like an airplane without an autopilot or GPS.  Your life will be an endless game of maybe, an often frustrating one.
   But if you know your goal, if you learn and use strategies along the way, if you’re patient as obstacles pop  up – and  they will both in the game and in life – you can really enjoy the process as you go along the journey.

Fly the funny skies :)

I was on a flight two days after the events in Boston took place.  I wasn’t sure what security was going to be like but got there early enough just in case it was slower than usual.  Not bad, nothing excessive.  So far so good.

My flight was packed and I’m pretty sure people were a little more nervous than usual.  I was on my favorite airline – Southwest – and was on the plane in the first group, settling myself into an emergency exit window seat.

I’m sure the crew was also a bit more nervous that the week before.  How could they not be? They were dealing with the potential re-admittance of small knives on board and now the uncertainty of what the events in Boston might mean.

Here’s how they handled things – with humor.  The head flight attendant at the door was manning the microphone as passengers entered.  As each new group entered, he said things like, “See that empty seat right near you?  Sit down!”  “See that person pretending to be asleep so you won’t sit near them, climb over them and sit down!”  He got our attention to be sure.  People started smiling.  “We’re not leaving unless you sit down…and we really want to leave.”

As soon as everyone took their seat, he began the safety procedures speech.  I wish I had written it all down because it was fabulous.  You had to listen just to see what he was going to say next.  “We’re flying over water on this trip so in case we have a water landing, put this toilet seat shaped vest over your head, don’t blow it up til you get outside the plane and be sure to put your make-up on -  because if you’re wearing this vest, you WILL be on TV!” 

Now no one wants to think about what it would mean if you’re wearing a life preserver on a plane but we all giggled at that one.  He also said not to expect an emergency because if there was going to be one, the crew would have stayed in bed at the hotel that morning.

He reminded us that it was a smoke free flight and that those who chose to smoke would be escorted onto the wing for their rendition of “Gone With the Wind” or “Bye Bye Birdie”. 

As we neared the point where we were about to take off he said he was going to dim the cabin lights… “You’re getting sleepy…….”

I loved this guy and this airline.  They took what was a potentially stressful day and made it fun.  Instead of thinking of scary possibilities, we were chuckling along with him. 

We can all learn something from him.  The tougher the time, the more we need to use a little gentle humor to derail (deplane?) the stress.   Sometimes we make matters worse by ratcheting up the atmosphere when we actually have the chance to make it fun. 

I lived by this theory as a classroom teacher.  Kids don’t like math?  Use humor and fun as often as possible.  For the flight school I used to own, same thing.  We even adopted the motto “We make aviation fun!”  It didn’t interfere with our safety record or in the classroom with the importance of a good education but it did make it worth showing up for.

What stressful situation can you lighten by adding a dose of humor to it?  It’s really up to you… it’s your life, your flight…so buckle up and smile the stress away!

Boston Strong

What a week.  The world has seemed a bit upside down since the news at the Boston Marathon on Monday followed by the massive fire in West, Texas.  As someone who shares stress busting strategies, I would be remiss if I didn’t try to put out some words to help people who are overcome by the stress of these events as well as those who feel they could just use a boost.  

I recognize that there are some who use these events as platforms for their political issues, a chance to make their points about how America or the world in general is going to hell in a hand basket.  This is not for them unless they are open enough to consider alternate opinions about the world and people in general.

So here goes:

• Watch out for all or nothing statements especially in tough times.  All of the world is not going down the tubes right now.  There’s 7 billion of us and most of us are pretty nice.  It’s not true that nothing will ever change.  These acts are perpetrated by one or two people to date.  And almost anyone can change if they want to.
  
• Stay away from the 24/7 news and constant FB and Twitter updates if it’s becoming too much for you.  I did this 10 years after 9/11 watching all the shows about the heroism to honor those I didn’t know about during that tragic time.  It almost took me down.  Step away.  And make sure your kids do too.
  
• Focus on the good that’s happening during these events.
  
• People who walked toward those injured
  
• First responders who do this kind of work and risk their own lives in the process
  
• The medical staff who saved lives that day and continues to do extraordinary work helping those who need it
  
• The swiftness with which the perpetrators have been identified and as of this writing, the second one is about to be captured.  As difficult as this all is, if the search had lasted for weeks or month, the uncertainty would have been crippling
  
• The technology we have that’s allowed us to stay informed especially social media and the technology that allowed them to be caught.
  
• The responsible media members who keep saying that we’re on 5 second delay to prevent sending out disturbing video, the reminder that we must be careful not to jump to conclusions, that are sharing info during rapidly evolving circumstances.  I can’t imagine how they can even make sense in the long hours and constant influx of new information
  
• How extra-ordinary the Boston police, the state police, the FBI, the Governor and the Mayor have been to the media who are doing their job and the citizens of greater Boston
  
• How cooperative the citizens of greater Boston have been
  
• Watch your thoughts during times like this.  Most stress is brought on by a specific thought you have.  When you catch yourself having a negative thought, try to shift it to something you’re grateful for.  Brain research tells us that you can’t think the two at the same time.
  
• Do something physical if the stress starts to build up.  Breathe deeply at least 3 times every 90 minutes.  Research shows like it helps de-stress the brain.  Get up and stretch and move.  Muscles get tight when you’re stressed.
  
• Seek out friends/ family if they can help you process everything.
  
• Keep busy doing something you love.
• 
  
• Get help from professionals if you’re really stressed.  You’re worth it.

We’ll get through this.  We’re resilient we humans.  Let me close with a quote attributed to Ghandi that I saw on Facebook yesterday. “You must not lose faith in humanity.  Humanity is the ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty.”  We are the ocean, the beautiful ocean.